


Illogical Love

by akl1



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-07-29 04:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akl1/pseuds/akl1
Summary: “Princey!!” Anxiety turned as red as Roman’s sash. “Wh- you can’t just organise a date for us! Plus, Logan doesn’t even know!"“I don’t even know what?” The three sides jumped as Logan appeared, leaning against the doorway. Virgil’s face went pale, as he stared at Logan, dumbfounded and embarrassed.“L...Logan…? How much did you hear of…?” The anxious boy trailed off.“I’ve heard enough.”Logan swiftly strided over the the kitchen counter to place the plastic bag filled with jam down, and made his way out of the kitchen, heading to his room to make sense of all of this. The kitchen emitted no noise. Patton and Roman both glanced over to each other frequently, exchanging worried looks. Virgil, frozen in the last position he was in before Logan walked in, squeezed his eyes shut.





	1. Illogical Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The silence was deafening. With each second passing by, Virgil’s heart shattered a little more. All hope left Virgil’s eye when he saw Logan’s shocked expression turn into a ghost of a bittersweet smile. But as quickly as the smile came, it disappeared, morphing into a concerned look. Virgil’s cheeks flamed, his vision went blurry as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. A quiet sob broke the silence, Virgil clasping his mouth shut and covering his hands with it."

“Morning, me” Virgil mumbled, then proceeded to yawn as he sat up, rubbing his eyes to help them adjust to the rays of sun seepingthrough the blinds. After a few seconds, he shuffled to the side of his bed, and dropped his feet into his purple aesthetic slippers. He stretched for a moment before making his way down to eat breakfast with the sides. His thoughts came sluggishly as he was still half asleep, blinking quite often since his eyes were still no good. He heard the indecipherable chattering of the sides, Patton and Roman’s voice being the loudest and more distinguishable, and occasional additions to the conversation by Logan - his deep and monotone voice is quite easy to recognise. Virgil gently pushed open the door.

“Mornin’ guys”

“Morning Virgil! How ya doing?” chirped Patton, bouncy a bit on his seat at seeing his dark strange son.

“Not too bad actually. Had a difficult time falling asleep though.”

“Well, you know what always helps? Counting _sleep_.”

A chorus of groans followed Patton’s giggles at his punchline and Virgil went over to the kitchen counter to grab his favourite ‘Nightmare before Christmas’ themed mug.

“Speaking of Virgil-” Roman chimed in.

“You mean to Virgil” Logan corrected.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say geek. Now, what do you call Virgil early in the day?”

“What?” Patton asked.

“Mourning! Get it? Cause. Morning like the time of day and mourning like grieving Ehhh?”

“Roman. Leave the dad jokes to me.” Patton deadpanned.

Roman sucked in air through his teeth. “fair enough.”

The sides all sat down and started eating breakfast, when-

_DING-DONG_

“Ahh, that must be my seventeen and a half jars of Crofters that I have ordered” Logan exclaimed. 

“Why seventeen and a  _ half? _ ” Anxiety queried.

“I just love Crofters okay” Logan said as he rushed out the kitchen to the front door. There was a bit of silence after Logan left, only Virgil’s muffled giggles could be heard. Roman and Patton looked at each other, perplexed, then realised.

“Oh. My. God. Virge. You have to ask him out!!” Roman squealed.

“This is adorable!! Kiddo, I have to agree with Ro because oh my gosh this is amazing!” Patton gushed. 

Virgil immediately blushed “Guys, shush! What if he heard this?”

Roman scoffed, “Oh, he wouldn’t understand anyway! Now. You two are going to go on a date, the only question is to where-”

“Princey!!” Anxiety turned as red as Roman’s sash. “Wh- you can’t just organise a date for us! Plus, Logan doesn’t even know!

“I don’t even know what?” The three sides jumped as Logan appeared, leaning against the doorway. Virgil’s face went pale, as he stared at Logan, dumbfounded and embarrassed. 

“L...Logan…? How much did you hear of…?” The anxious boy trailed off.

“I’ve heard enough.” 

Logan swiftly strided over the the kitchen counter to place the plastic bag filled with jam down, and made his way out of the kitchen, heading to his room to make sense of all of this. The kitchen emitted no noise. Patton and Roman both glanced over to each other frequently, exchanging worried looks. Virgil, frozen in the last position he was in before Logan walked in, squeezed his eyes shut.

_ I’ve got to do something. _

_ For once in my life I need to not be fucking anxious and be brave. _

_ Get your shit together Virgil! I can do this! _

Virgil stood up abruptly, and followed Logan with his fists held tightly together. He marched up the stairs to catch Logan opening his door, so he called out for him.

“Logan…”

The logical side froze, sighed and turned to greet him.

“Virgil I-”

“Look, I’m-”

They stopped as they spoke over each other. Logan gestured towards Virgil.

“Go, say what you have to say.”

Virgil’s hand trembled, “Look, I… I wanted to tell you sooner but I was…” a nervous laughter escaped his lips. “Too anxious.” 

Logan glared at the ground, not moving an inch, unable to comprehend what was going on.

“And I know that I will regret what I am about to say but Logan-” He turned his head up to meet the purple boy’s eyes. Virgil quiet, cracked voice uttered the words Logan wished he never would have.

“I love you.”

The silence was deafening. With each second passing by, Virgil’s heart shattered a little more. All hope left Virgil’s eye when he saw Logan’s shocked expression turn into a ghost of a bittersweet smile. But as quickly as the smile came, it disappeared, morphing into a concerned look. Virgil’s cheeks flamed, his vision went blurry as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. A quiet sob broke the silence, Virgil clasping his mouth shut and covering his hands with it. 

“I am sorry Virgil. My love is only platonic for you.” 

There. He said the words Virgil only had nightmares about. He felt sick. He needed to get to his room, get  _ away, somewhere.  _

_ Now.  _

“If there is any way that I can-” 

Logan gave up trying to console Virgil, as Anxiety had just ran past him, pushing him out of the way to reach his room at the end of the corridor. The soft thud of Logan lightly hitting the wall broke Virgil’s heart one more time, he cursed under his breath. Virgil slammed the door shut, leaving a perplexed and guilty-filled Logan softly sliding down to the floor, laying against the corridor walls.

~~~

He put his knuckles in his mouth to stop himself from crying too loud. He slumped against his room’s door which he frantically locked. 

_ Take a deep breath Virgil. You won’t cry, you’re not weak.  _

_ Come on, 4-7-8. In… Hold… And out…  _

He wiped off his tears with his hand, but in vain since more flowed down onto his cheek. Hyperventilating, he choked up another sob, more violent and heartbreaking each time. 

_ Remember Patton’s advise. Deep breaths, happy thoughts.  _

His breathing slowed, the sobs were fewer. He took one deep shuddering breath, and exhale it slowly.

Silence. Virgil couldn’t hear anybody talking outside of his room. He felt as if all energy left his body, but despite that he clambered ontop of his bed.

Virgil wrapped his arm around his big blanket, and tears started to flow again. 

 

~~~

A long, broken wail could be heard from upstairs, followed by quiet sniffling. Logan’s standing against the kitchen counter, Roman agitatedly walked around, and Patton drummed his fingers against the table which he was sitting by. 

“Couldn’t you have phrased it nicer? You know how sensitive of a topic it is.” Roman said.

“I told him as nice as I could. I refuse to sugarcoat the truth. That is called lying.” 

“Then why didn’t you say something like  _ but I still want to be friends with you _ ?”

“Well I-”

“What, do you dislike him that much?!”

“No! Of course not! But I only like him platonically.  _ As a friend.” _

“Then why didn’t you try to console him?! Do you not care?!” Roman persisted.

“Falsehood Roman. I do care. And I tried to talk him more but he ran away into his room before I could say anything.”

“Then go after him!”

_ “I didn’t want to break his fucking heart even more!” _

“That’s enough!” Patton snapped. The two sides went quiet. They looked back at each other and sulked to themselves. 

Patton stood up, “Guys, when has shouting and arguing solved anything?” and when in between Logan and Roman. “We need to not dwell on what we  _ could _ have done, but on what we need to do. And Logan, please, don’t use that kind of language in here.”

“My apologies Patton. And yes, you’re right, we should focus on what to do next.” Logan admitted. “Do you guys have an ideas?” 

“Well, maybe we should leave him alone for the time being. I doubt he’d want to talk to anyone right now.” Roman suggested. 

The other two nodded. 

“It’s only nine am, he won’t be hungry right now. I’ll bring him some snacks in an hour though, just in case.” Patton exclaimed.

“And I’ll… I… I’m stumped. I guess I’ll stay here.” Logan said.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

“I don’t know, kiddo. I don’t know.”


	2. Corruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Virgil’s makeup had become progressively darker, his face going paler and paler. Dark roots had snaked up his neck, arms and legs. A black aura could be felt around him.
> 
> “Goodbye, Logan.” Virgil turned around and slammed the door shut behind him. The sides all gasped at his corrupted voice, and Roman swears he saw Virgil’s pupil become a shade darker. 
> 
> Morality, Creativity and Logic stared at each other. They all asked the same question : “What do we do?”"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof okay so this! is a lot longer than i expected it to be, but i hope its enjoyable nonetheless

He heard them arguing downstairs,  _ of course  _ they were arguing. The muffled voices began to crescendo, getting more aggressive. He sniffled. He naturally knew whose voices they were, but tried to deny it, in hope to never hear  _ his _ voice. 

He heard a jumble of words,“...b--ak his fucking heart --en m-r…” which belonged to-

to… 

He should stop. It'll probably only get worse. 

Virgil’s reached over to his bedside table to get his phone and black headset. He plugged the headphones in, and unlocked his phone. Scrolling down to his playlists, he clicked on  _ suicidal _ and put it on shuffle, drowning out all noise except his music. He lay on his back, the blanket snaking beside him. 

He felt… numb. He cried for what seemed like days, but now there were no tears left. He felt empty, useless, worthless. Virgil stared at the wall, his vision unfocused and he concentrated on the music playing in his ears, with occasional thoughts drifting through his mind. He ignored all notifications, putting his phone on silent. He once thought of what would happened if he talked to Logan, if there was anything in the first place to talk about. He didn’t want to think about it.

He wanted to just be. 

~~~

_ KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK _

“Virgil, you alright? It’s lunch time, do you want to come down here and eat?” It was Patton, knocking on Anxiety’s door.

Virgil abruptly sat up, pressing pause.

_ Huh? Did I doze off? I guess so. I’m not really feeling hungry. Not really feeling anything _

“Virgil? Buddy? If you want to remain alone I won’t disturb you, but you’ve got to eat something.” Patton persisted. 

_ I...  don’t want anything but-  _ Virgil glanced over at the door,  _ -I don’t want to hurt Pat.  _

“I’ll… I’ll leave at the door. If you change your mind, it’ll- it’ll be there.” A faint clang of the plate hitting the beige carpet could be heard, followed by muffled footsteps slowly fading away. 

_ He sounded disheartened… Sorry Patton, I…  _

Virgil took off his headphones, and shuffled off of the bed. He waited a few seconds, just in case, then opened the door and quickly took in the food. It was a plate of spaghetti, with a pastel yellow napkin beside it, with cutlery on top. 

_ Oh, it’s spaghetti. That's good.  _

Virgil went over to his desk to grab a bottle of water which he bought yesterday, and just threw here. Beside it was a book.

That book was a gift from Logan for his birthday. The memory stung. He teared up. He reached over to the book, cautiously touching it as if it was a wild animal. He pushed the book out of the way, and placed his food onto the centre of the desk. He quietly ate his food, drinking his water ever so often. 

He had just finished, when he heard muted footsteps. Virgil tensed up, whipping his head around to the door. The footsteps became louder and louder until they came to halt. A soft sigh came from the other side of the door. 

“Virgil?” The voice asked.

_ Oh no. _

_ Not him. _

_ Why is he here? _

“Virgil? I only wish to talk.” The voice persisted

_ No no no no no no no no no.. _

_ Get away please I don't want  _ **_you_ ** _ here. _

_ What do I do what do I do.  _

“Virgil, you can't keep sulking in your room forever. Open the door.”

_ Sulking? _

_ How fucking dare he?! _

_ Guess  _ **_his_ ** _ heart has never been broken. Does he even have a heart? Or emotions? Guess not.  _

_ “ _ What do you want?” Virgil’s broken voice queried.

“Could you please let me in? Like I said before, I would like to talk to you.” Logan said.

“Why do you want to come in? We're already talking.” 

“Virgil. Please. I just want to see you. I know I hurt you a bit, but-”

“A… A bit…? Are you actually this oblivious?” Virgil was outraged. He rushed over to unlock the door, his footsteps heavy and angered. He was met with a confused Logan. 

“I thought you were smarter than this. I thought you at least had an ounce of empathy. Do you not feel anything?!”

“Yes. Yes I do feel emotions, but-”

“But what?! But nothing as complex as love?!” 

“Virgil, please calm down.”

“Calm down? Don't make me fucking laugh! I've been crying my broken heart out for God knows how long, and you tell me to call down?! You  _ bitch _ -”

“Virgil, please-”

“-You are just cold, emotionless,  _ unfeeling robot! You know nothing of love, or of pain!” _

“Virge…!"

“ _ Don't call me Virge _ ! Only friends can call me that, and it has become quite clear to me that you are not one of them! What do  _ you _ even do?! Stroke your own ego, telling yourself how smart you are every day?!”

That was enough to tip over Logan. “Well at least I haven't been sulking my entire life! At least I feel emotions like joy! Cause it has become clear to  _ me _ , that you don't know of the sort!”

They were both screaming with anger and pain at this point.

“I felt love for you! And I still do! And I have to common sense to realise that you don't love me I love you!!”

“ _ FALSEHOOD _ . SINCE WHEN DID I EVER LOVE YOU EVEN A BIT?! I NEVER LOVED YOU! IT WAS ALL A FACADE CAUSE THAT BUMBLING IDIOT PATTON WANTED YOU TO FEEL WELCOME. I HATE YOU!

**_I FUCKING HATE YOU_ ** ”

That struck a major nerve for Virgil. He stood there, stunned and speechless while Logan was panting. Hurried footsteps of a worried Patton and concerned Roman rushed up the stairs. Tears flowed down Virgil’s and Patton’s face.

Virgil’s makeup had become progressively darker his face going paler and paler. Dark roots had snaked up his neck, arms and legs. A black aura could be felt around him.

“Goodbye, Logan.” Virgil turned around and slammed the door shut behind him. The sides all gasped at his corrupted voice, and Roman swears he saw Virgil’s pupil become a shade darker. 

Morality, Creativity and Logic stared at each other. They all asked the same question : “What do we do?”

~~~

Virgil was hyperventilating. His breathing rapid, tears streaming like a waterfall, he choked up another regret filled sob. Letting out another broken, corrupted wail, the dark roots crept further, the eyeshadow darkened and his eyes blackened. His thoughts were a muddle. He felt dizzy, and sick.

An hour had passed, and he had calmed down, more or less. The aura around him had gotten worse, nearly all of his veins had turned pitch black, the whites of his emotionless eyes were now dark. His voice has gotten so corrupted, he didn't recognise himself for a moment.

He felt numb. Again. He felt nothing. He didn't feel joy, or anger, or fear. He didn't feel anxious. He felt drained, and weak. Something has happened to him and he… wasn't sure what. He wasn't sure of anything. A few thoughts had drifted through his mind, but were soon replaced by the numbness. He should feel worried, shouldn't he? He didn't know. It was just more and more darkness. Pitch black everywhere.

~~~

"Three God damn days have past and he has not been outside!” Roman reminded Patton and Logan. “We need to go into his room and get him out whether he likes it or not! Has he eaten anything, Patton? 

“No… nothing. He doesn't respond to me… I’m so worried about him. We need to do something.”

“I agree. We’re going up to his room. Come on.”

Patton and Roman quickly stood up, and hurried to the stairs. Patton looked back.

“You too, Logan. We need everyone here.” 

They rushed up the stairs, and went over to Anxiety’s room. Patton knocked. Nothing. He knocked again, and called out for Virgil. Still, nothing.

“I'm going to kick open the door.” Roman said

“You what?! You can't do that Ro! What if he gets hurt?” Patton cried. 

“I agree with Patton, you can't just kick his door open, Roman. That would be foolish, and reckless.” Logan added.

“Suit yourself” Roman curtly said, and then kicked the door with full force. The door slammed to the floor with a loud bang. The sides cautiously walked in.

The room was a mess. Patton immediately felt a strong dark aura in there, pushing and straining his heart. He felt felt a bad feeling in his gut. Something was very wrong.

In the middle of the room, sitting on top of the bed was Virgil, laying limp like a rag doll. He was covered from head to toe in black veins, snaking around him like cracks in shattered glass. His eyes dark, cold and unfeeling. His eyeshadow reached to his lips. 

“Virgil…? Oh my God, Virgil! What happened?!” Patton ran over to Virgil, his eyes widening at the horrific sight. He stood at the side of the bed, fidgeting anxiously and trying to figure out what happened to Anxiety.

“He… What's the matter with him?” Roman ran over to Patton’s side, “Is he okay?!” reaching over to Virgil, he tried to wake him up from whatever trance he was in. As he touched Virgil’s shoulder, he winced, snapping his arms back as it burned him. 

“It seems he has had… some kind of sensory overload. He was feeling such high peeks of emotion and trying to deal with it alone, ergo the change of appearance. When we went to Patton’s room to fill us with nostalgia, although he did feel extra nervous, he had you two by his side. But, now that he dealt with the same or more level of anxiety, he had nobody to help him calm down, therefore he is in this-” He gestured at Virgil” -state. This is probably because of-”

“The fight that you two had.” Patton finished. 

“This is nice and all that you're explaining this, but how the he'll do we turn him back?” Roman said. 

“I… I don't know.” Logan reluctantly admitted. The sides all looked at each other, then looked at Virgil’s corpse-like state. Patton teared up. 

“There must be something that we can do! We can't just leave him like this!”

“I do not believe there is much that we can d-” Logan cut himself off at seeing Patton’s and Roman’s heartbroken expressions. “I'll… Go to the library. I'll see what I can find.” Logan swiftly started heading out or the room. 

“No Logan. You're not going anywhere.” 

“Pardon, Roman?”

“This is all your fault. It's because of you that Virge is like… this. You are staying here to fix this.”

“What? But the exact reason that I am going out is to help fix this mess.”

“That you created. You at least ought to check up on Virgil, specs!”

“Guys… please, don't start arguing… We have had enough fights as it is.” Patton muttered. “We need to focus on healing Virgil.” 

“You're right.” They both grumbled. Roman was about to tell the others about his ideas, when Virgil shuffled and mumbled a bit.

“Virgil? Could you repeat that?” Patton asked softly. 

“Mmm… I'm worth...less…” 

“Why would you say that?”

“Logan reject...ed… me…He hates me…”

“He doesn't hate you! 

“So you… say”

A black tear dropped down from Virgil’s eye.

“Logan. Tell Virgil that you love him.”

“Patton I- You cannot force a relationship. I do not love him just because he… loves-loved me.”

“But you don't hate him, do you?” Roman joined in.

“No. I don't hate him. I enjoy his accompaniment very much, especially the quiet nights we spent together reading.”

Virgil’s darkness began to fade a little. 

“However, I do not love him in the same way as he loves me.” 

Another vein turned black at Logan’s words, and the blackness darkened again.

“Aha! That's it! With every negative thought or word he receives, his state worsens.” Roman exclaimed. 

“So you think we should compliment him?” Patton asked. 

“Yes! Just, tell him all of the things you like about him! That should work, right?”

“Hmm. I believe so.” Logan said. “Which one else of us shall start?”

“Me!” Patton said. “Okay, so Virgil? If you can hear me I just want to let you know that you… you are such an amazing person and I truly believe that you can reach wonderful heights and accomplishments. You may think that you are bad, and you tend to focus on your mistakes no matter how big or small, but is anybody perfect? I have made a lot of mistakes in the past and look where I am now! I'm healthy, positive and learning to not hide all my emotions anymore.” 

The veins on Virgil dimmed, and his breathing started to quicken. A single dark tear flowed down his cheek, leaving a black trail behind it. 

Patton continued. “And I known that I might… regret this but Virgil? We love you. I love you.” Patton reached in to hug Virgil, fully knowing that touching him will scorch his skin. He didn't care. His friend was in trouble and he had to fix it. Has to fix  _ him. _ He cried out in pain.

“Patton! What are you doing?! Get away from him you're going to hurt yourself!” Roman yelled.

Shuddering, Patton continued to cuddle Virgil. He wrapped his arms around him tighter and the burning didn't stop. He started sobbing out of pain, and grief.

“Pa...tton…” whispered Virgil.

“Virgil, kiddo. You matter. We love you. I love you.” He managed through his sobs, shaking his entire body.

A flash of white.    
  


And

 

Then

 

It

 

Stopped.   
  


“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry... ” Virgil whispered. He was back to normal now, energy drained from the corruption. He hung onto Patton, taking a long, shaky breath and letting out a broken, defeated sigh. 

“I'm tired... “ 

“I know Virgil, I know. You're okay now, and that's all that matters.” Patton answered. Virgil continued crying. 

“It's okay.”


End file.
